Grieving and Re-grieving

I’m trying to deal with a lot of unprocessed grief at the moment and wanted to share a couple of things that I’ve found helpful.

This little video, Why grief is not something you have to get over offers a perspective that really makes sense to me. The counsellor in the video talks about how the therapeutic model for working with grief is shifting, from seeing grief as something that gets less over time, to something that’s always there, but that other aspects of your life can grow around. So, while the grief doesn’t go away, it isn’t so all-consuming. But you can dip back into it at certain times, which brings me to the next point.

@hallygrace posted a long thread on twitter about the concept of re-grieving. Hallygrace makes the point that grief can be a life-long emotional process and you are likely to experience it again and again, especially at significant moments (anniversaries, life milestones etc). Here’s the tough bit, you have to re-process it every time. It’ not a good idea to repress the feelings or shame yourself for having them.

Weekend Cooking, Melanzane Parmigiana

Image shows a square black baking tray containing cooked melanzane parmagiana, sliced aubergines in a red tomato sauce toped with melted cheese

“Why haven’t I made this in ages?” I asked myself as I started cutting up 2 lbs of aubergines. I mean, I love aubergines and I love vegetables baked in cheese. But my question was soon answered – because it’s a right bloody faff that involves three stages of cooking. First, you have to make a tomato sauce. Then you slice up the aubergines real thin and fry them in batches. Once you’ve done all of that, you layer the aubergines with the tomato sauce and cubed mozzarella, top it with grated parmesan (or in our case, its closest affordable relative) and bake it in the oven. Was it worth the effort? Yes, absolutely. It was delicious and I served the leftovers on pasta for lunch today. Will I make it again soon? Probably not.

Recipe from my beloved and very battered copy of the Good Housekeeping, Complete Book of Vegetarian Cookery (1992)

Album of the Week: Kate Bush, ‘The Dreaming’ (1982)

Kate_Bush_The_Dreaming_Cover

Arguably Kate Bush’s strangest work, I feel like The Dreaming has had a role in shaping my personality. I spent entirely too much time dancing round the kitchen to this album when I was a kid. I was fascinated by the weird, even scary, soundscape. Kate Bush has called it her “I’ve gone mad album” and the listening experience does feel like being inside someone’s mind. As a little kid, I was particularly impressed by the vocals. I couldn’t believe that a woman could make all those different sounds. My favourite track then was ‘Night of the swallow‘ because I liked the strings and bagpipes, but as an adult woman who is more interested in setting boundaries, I find myself most excited by the door-slamming chaos of ‘Get out of my house’.  Play loud, as the sleeve notes advise.

Meanwhile, in other Kate Bush news, hundreds of fans celebrate ‘Wuthering Heights Day’ by recreating the 1978 video.