The Novels of Joseph Hansen

Michael Nava has published a thoughtful article in LARB about the author Joseph Hansen Gay Noir Pioneer

I recommend reading the Dave Brandsetter mystery novels if you can get your hands on them. They feature an openly gay detective and offer a fascinating window onto the lives of gay men and, to some extent, lesbians in the 1960s and 70s. Hansen also has a really interesting writing style.

Act Up Oral History Project

For World Aids Day on the 1st December, the Act Up Oral History Project 

A collection of interviews with surviving members of the AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power, New York.

The purpose of this project is to present comprehensive, complex, human, collective, and individual pictures of the people who have made up ACT UP/New York. These men and women of all races and classes have transformed entrenched cultural ideas about homosexuality, sexuality, illness, health care, civil rights, art, media, and the rights of patients. They have achieved concrete changes in medical and scientific research, insurance, law, health care delivery, graphic design, and introduced new and effective methods for political organizing. These interviews reveal what has motivated them to action and how they have organized complex endeavors. We hope that this information will de-mystify the process of making social change, remind us that change can be made, and help us understand how to do it.

You call this friendship? Positioning Gay Men in relation to Heterosexuality

This week I glanced over a couple of articles in the Guardian online about relationships between heterosexual people and gay men which have been chaffing me ever since. You know that feeling when you read something that’s presented as all sweetness, light, and loveliness but makes you feel really uncomfortable for reasons you can’t quite pin down? I read them again this morning and think I can articulate a few of the problems.

The first, by Joanna Walters, is entitled Why Every Girl needs a Gay Best Friend

Diamonds may be forever, but it turns out that a gay boy is actually a girl’s best friend, according to a new book that is the first definitive guide to the ‘fag hag’.

That many straight women set great store by gay male friends won’t surprise fans who’ve watched Will and Grace sharing the secrets of their souls, or Sex and the City’s Carrie and her screaming-queen buddy Stanford or Madonna and Rupert Everett, on- and off-screen.

Now a new book chronicles the (mostly) ups and (occasional) downs of having a gay man as a girl’s best friend. Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys – true tales of love, lust and friendship between straight women and gay men was launched in New York last week with a rainbow of hysterical real life stories and a few predictably melodramatic tear-jerkers.

It’s not the “fag hag” thing that bothers me, beyond the fact that from a feminist perspective I wish we weren’t still making use of that term because it’s one that women often use against each other with surprising vitriol, and it’s about time we stopped and asked ourselves why we feel impelled to use abusive language towards women who befriend gay men. No, my main issue with the article, aside from the self-congratulatory tone, is the implicit suggestion that gay men exist to make straight women feel better about themselves.

While her female friends are competitive when shopping and ‘secretly want your ass to look fat’, her entourage of gay men makes her feel like ‘Marie Antoinette and her court’ as they encourage her to buy extravagantly, telling her she looks divine, while ‘holding my handbags more gracefully than I do’.

De La Cruz described how, despite unrequited lust for the gay boys at her university, she valued their encouragement. ‘They told me I was attractive and pushed me out there to start dating.

Throughout the article there is a suggestion that friendships between gay men and straight women are valuable because they make straight women feel good. Now this isn’t actually representative of real life friendships and we know that straight women and lesbians have provided a lot of support to gay men over the years, especially during the AIDs crisis. The book itself probably acknowledges this, but the article bothers me because it takes part in a developing discourse which justifies the existence of gay people in terms of their services to straight people. The article also implies more than once that gay men are serviceable to straight women as partner substitutes because straight men are useless or obnoxious. This is basically the plot of Will and Grace.

One of the book’s editors, Melissa De La Cruz, said she sought to puncture the high-camp stereotype by telling how her gay male co-editor Tom Dolby was the rock-solid shoulder who was most there for her out of all her friends when she suffered a miscarriage and she and her husband were heartbroken. ‘He was a real man,’ she said.

A real man, huh? As opposed to a pretend one? All men are real Melissa.

Doonan claims fag hags became obsolete because straight men are now less ‘obnoxious’ to be around.

Well that’s nice. You can throw out your gay male friends because straight men have become more bearable. Is this whole narrative really about heterosexuality, insofar as it’s really about problems in relationships between heterosexual men and women?

Then I read another article which took the discourse to more disturbing levels, Nirpal Dhaliwal’s A Fine Bromance

My heart sank at the opening “Gays are a guy’s best friend.” But then it improved, citing good examples of equal friendships between gay and straight men and I felt more hopeful. Perhaps this one is actually going to say something useful I thought. However, when he describes his experiences of “bromance” we came back to same problem:

One was an American film director, who invited me to a festival in Turin where I hooked up with a fabulous, cabaret-singing New York drag queen. They were fun, warm and intimate experiences that thrilled my ego and made me feel gorgeous.

Because it’s very important that straight men get their egos stroked. Couldn’t straight people do more stroking of gay egos?

Having tested my sexuality and been sure of what it is, I have no issues with homosexuality and can throw myself into a bromance with no misplaced hopes or fears.

Ah, nice, because gay people love it when straight people test their sexuality out on us. Personally I’ve found such experiences painful and humiliating, but no matter!

What’s even more striking here is that Dhaliwal’s relationships with gay men have served to bolster up his heterosexuality, to make him more heterosexual because he is surer of his sexuality than other men who don’t have relationships with gay men. Then misogyny makes its appearance:

My friendships with straight men have often deteriorated because of rivalry, and from talking to my gay pals I know that gay men are just are competitive. Bromances offer men an opportunity to discuss sex without worrying about one-upmanship.

I talk about women much more with gay men than I ever have with straight ones. And given that women speak far more openly with gay men – and that gay men actually listen to them – my gay pals provide many useful insights into the female mind.(emphasis mine)

Lovely.

And finally,

Bromances are the future for men in this country. We have a shared biology and a basic outlook, compared to which our choice of sexual partner is merely a detail.

What Dhaliwal actually seems to propose here is a fantasy future of relationships between men in which women become "merely a detail." Heterosexual men will bond emotionally and intellectually with gay men who will stroke their egos and give them tips on how to seduce women. Welcome to the new patriarchy. Just at a time when a lot of gay men do seem to be working on misogyny in their subculture, it’s rather alarming to see a straight man writing it into his future male utopia. But with gay men again positioned as substitutes for women, this narrative also seems to be more about problems with heterosexual relationships rather than with gay people. I suspect Dhaliwal is writing polemically with the genuine intention to subvert homophobia but there seems to be a lack of self-awareness in the piece with regards to his attitude to women and also the question of what gay men are really getting out of these friendships.

Any real future for constructive mutually enriching friendships between gay people and straight people must be devoid of the implication that gay people exist to please, pander to and stroke the egos of straight people, or as substitutes for unsatisfactory heterosexual relationships.

Moreover, the problem here is not the more complex realities of such friendships, the problem is the defensive discourse being created in these articles– the necessity for justification itself drawing attention to homophobia – which says “this is ok because straight people are getting something out of it.”

I work with a lot of gay men and, in my opinion, if there’s one thing they don’t need it’s any more incitement from heterosexual culture to find their sense of self worth in being presented as clowns, comedy side-kicks, counsellors, shoulders to cry on etc. And if we could get extra government funding for a project for gay men, I can tell you right now that we would spend it on assertiveness classes for young gay men. Many of the gay men I know have an understandably strong desire to please, having grown up under the constant threat of verbal and physical violence and family rejection. My boss had his arm broken by his male peers at school, so little wonder he turned to female friends. In the office, we talk quite openly about the various ways in which gay men are infantilised and rewarded for presenting themselves as non-threatening and for masking the realities of their sexuality from view. They are often referred to as “boys,” for example, because, we suspect, “boys” don’t have big scary cocks; "boys" don’t fuck.

Ignoring the role homophobia plays in encouraging gay male children to grow up to be everybody’s best friend/entertainer while taking their rage out in unhealthy ways is not actually being any kind of friend to gay men.

Thoughts on the Needs of Older LGBT People

Recently, I’ve been doing some work with a network for older LGBT people. The issues raised in the meetings are so important that I’ve decided to share some of them here. When older LGBT people require extra care or need to enter residential accommodation they encounter a whole range of problems which heterosexual people do not experience, some of which can have a devastating impact on their lives.

At present, managers and care workers in the UK are not required to undertake training in LGBT issues and they often do not know how to deal with the specific problems that may arise. A lot of the trouble stems from good old fashioned heterosexism – the assumption that the world is heterosexual – but older people also have to face more overt homophobia and transphobia. In the first instance, when placed in residential care, they have to confront the coming out process. Bearing in mind that they have to live with these people every day, do they come out to their care workers and fellow residents, or face a secret life again? If they’ve lost their partner, is it safe to put out photographs? Is it safe to talk about their life to anyone? A fairly large percentage of older LGBT people are single and questions and comments about grandchildren and family can be very painful, especially if they have been disowned by their own families. If they do have a partner how do they insist on staying together in a system which tends only to recognise marriage and in accommodation where staff and other residents may not react positively to the presence of a lesbian or gay couple? Moreover, homes rarely recognise the alternative families of choice often so important to LGBT people.

Actions which seem unimportant to heterosexual people can cause intense distress to older LGBT people. We have cases of older lesbians denied pyjamas and given nightdresses when they haven’t worn such a garment for 40 or 50 years and to do so is wounding to their sense of identity. Older gay men express fear that their camp self-expression will be received badly by their heterosexual male peers. For some older people whose sexuality has long been repressed, desires can surface late in life. The staff in one home were bewildered when two older men who had been married and widowed entered into a sexual relationship together. It had simply never occurred to them that this could happen. Dementia can also bring long repressed desires to the surface and create a situation which, without training and proper understanding, can be distressing to everyone.

In the UK the Government is pushing for more care in the home. This is all well and good, but the shift actually presents additional fears for older LGBT people. Members of the network expressed a feeling that this could lead to a worse situation if they found themselves alone in their homes with a homophobic or transphobic carer. They don’t want to denigrate the work carers do, but where are the safeguards against bullying?

Unsurprisingly, some of the worst stories have to do with transsexual and transgendered older people. We have one older pre-operative transsexual woman who’s been in hospital for a year because all the local homes are refusing to accommodate her. Worse still, we have recently had two cases of older pre-operative transsexual women actually being denied their hormone prescriptions when they entered residential care because the care home doctors “didn’t believe in it.” They rely on the hormones to keep them physically, mentally and emotionally stable. ** During the 1960s an influential psychiatrist discouraged people from fully transitioning and some of these women are now surfacing as they grow older and need care. They’re in a kind of gender limbo and can be treated as the sex written on their birth certificates, despite the fact that they have lived as women for many years. When I hear these stories I’m angered by the disjunction between some kinds of feminist theory and the dangerous reality of people’s lives. Some feminists argue that people shouldn’t get bottom surgery because it reiterates gender roles; well, tell that to an older LGBT person denied treatment or refused admission to a care home because she or he didn’t get the surgery. I doubt it would be much consolation. But if you have had the surgery, you still have to face the decision whether to tell people or the fear of being found out.

Of course this is also an economic issue. As ever, people with money will have a fair bit of choice and power in terms of what kind of services they use, whereas poorer people will have to take what they’re given and will not have much chance of changing the situation if it turns out badly. I’m therefore convinced that we’re in dire need of good advocacy services for older LGBT people and that those who work with older LGBT people must receive compulsory training in the issues. We probably need care homes and services which are publicly designated LGBT friendly and we might even need LGBT-only homes, as some older people are not comfortable living with heterosexual peers who they fear may well be homophobic and transphobic.

** I should add that this situation has now been rectified, but not without a considerable struggle.